2 weeks felt like 2 freakin hours. That’s. How fast time flew, with family around. (I really have to start growing up and quit living under mummy’s arms. Both unhealthy and, childish) I’ve a young heart but soul? Oldies.
Alot has changed. Good, bad, better, worst. But, all for the best, all for best. “You are too simple eli, too simple”. “Start taking charge of yourself first, before others. Be selfish!” Yes I have received such attributes from closed ones. Being simple and, ‘not selfish’; apparently one of the few characteristics one must put aside. I am not convinced, still. The simplicity of life. How far can one go in simplifying them? Making others happy and content does not require any effort, or at least I was told. I do not see a point of colliding jealousy and ego into a bowl. Neither wealth and statuses. Aren’t we all even? The colourblinds. The freedom of both faith and religion. Respect. (No I am not referring to Terry Jones. May he be well.) Just a random thought come rant, trawling over head at 2 in the morning. No I am not an owl, ok maybe the new breed kind. Truth is, I am lethargic like a soggy frie, (hold that thought) “I want to eat a french fries..” or “I want to eat a french fry..”? just one of the few millions what-ifs in life. What if I want to eat just a piece/stalk of fried potato. A french fries? No. A french fry? Mmm. Think!
on that cloudy note I shall sleep.
This year, Eid will be a gritty different from previous years. Yet embracing it like no other. The greatest relationships I’ve ever had will be the everlasting bond with family. Brother and sisters, Mommy and Daddy, uncles and aunties, granny and cousins. All about loving and cherishing the special ones. There’s only 3 gives in life, give in, give up and give all you’ve got. I have always given all I have, in everything. Giving up never existed unless otherwise, in rare occasions. Rare.
With sweet raya tunes playing over again on radio, the spirit of togetherness as a family grows in deeper. That tradition of sitting in a circle passing food all around, exchanging smiles and laughter.. I can never get enough of those. While some of you travel back to kampung mostly friends to malaysia (pahang, perak, and jean back to kelantan) and indonesia, my kampung is none other then, this tiny island, Singapura. A tiny little red dot, but rich in cultures and traditions. Brought up with ethics and values instilled, practicing little rituals like fasting in ramadhan, getting up early for morning raya prayers; has always, and will always be one of those things I’ll pass on to the next generation. Gotta keep my roots alive! Melayu ftw. Why am I talking about the next generation and sorts.. Though mom did had a little talk. Kids, marriage. One day, I will. Little too early no? Mom always plants thoughts in me. Always get me up thinking and planning, this is why I need a new organizer.
From raya to marriage. See the huge leap? Yes I can see it too. All this prunes in life is making me turning into an old soul. Just the soul, old. But young at heart, still. Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin to all my muslim brothers and sisters. Another year for forgiveness, another year of change.
its always the nostalgic stuff that grabs me..I will see you/write soon. See where fate takes me this time.
Lots of love,
eli
Filed under: Remedy
“Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you’re wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart.”
Filed under: Remedy
alice, you’re missed. like, alot lot.
***
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. – Dougla Adams
Sometimes I wonder whose dream am I living in now. Whoever it is, it’s time to buckle up that safety loose belt and pull up your socks, higher. Because one moment, this dream of mine can get as sweet as a child’s laugh and the next, as bitter as a grapefruit. Grapefruits, are bitter right? They’re the bigger version of oranges, right? Ow yes.
I hate it when I am too transparent. When people can just rip off my emotions off my face. When I failed executing a happy go lucky kitty. “What ever happened to your hype eli?” “I miss you so much.”"Get yourself back together. Glue them up!”"I need you to glow up the studio again.”
Stumbling I am still yet content with everything. But to actually utter the words I AM OK, beyond impossible. I mean I could, but it’ll just be too, not sincere. You know? I’m sure you do. For now, I am sipping life cup, by cup. Sip by sip. Letting fate takes its course is probably the brightest thing to do right now. The peace and tranquil life, starts now..
I am grateful for friends, its amazing how generous the universe can be. Overwhelmed with hugs in radio just now, and smiles and, little laughter. I am blessed.
Peace be upon you my brothers and sisters..,
last two weeks has been solely on, self conditioning, searching, realisation..family. appreciates the good cookies in life, though i tumbled on pitted prunes and salty smelly tofu. then again, who hasn’t? things, happens for a reason. or so i am told, multiple times. one falls, countless times. one has to face changes, both good and bad. hence it’s important to stay grounded and humble. we are all given second chances. though being human beings, and making mistakes are inevitable, we have the power and will to keep on living. whatever the circumstances, life is too simple to dwell on.
now they say music heals. music feeds the soul.. and, i have always wanted to attend one of those rainforest music festival, sarawak. what’s more wholesome then music being played in the midst of greenery. one of my to do list 2011 that.
world music, one love :]
..there is nothing then painting happiness onto a child’s face. priceless. a visit down to one of the homes was all it took to subside bad vibes and embrace, a certain kind of a realm of satisfaction.
blessings comes in all shapes and sizes. little little things. be awaken, alert. good sunday.
Filed under: Remedy
while some things doesn’t make sense, family’s there to keep you sane.
jakarta welcomed us with flocks of toxic gases. the usuals. i forgot smoke free only existed in singapore. with a few random, awkward stares from strangers, we waited for my folks to come and pick us up. this time around was pretty special, for once i did not flew back to jakarta solo, grandma was there to accompany me. the journey slash bumpy flight was pretty calming mostly because i slept like throughout the hour forty five minutes flight (we knocked on clouds for dozens of times!) loves the sudden gush of pressure in my tummy, that ticklish feeling. i giggled. i had norah jones plugged in and paulo coelho on one hand and grandma by my side. subtle it was.
whoever said my life was perfect? i have not uttered perfect for the longest time. but i am contented, with everything. there are definitely alot of sour green apples around me, but i managed to pick and choose and bite, the sweetest part. some things in life you just can’t control.
hugs on faith tightly.
Filed under: Remedy
So despite of not getting enough sleep from yesternight, I managed to pull out from sheets, knock my eyelids up and woke up at, 9am. Think I slept like around 4 in the morning. 5 hours of sleep. It’s really not healthy especially for a cat like me with a memory span of a goldfish. You see I have the habit of doing too much thinking and future planning. It sucks when I can’t straighten things out. The focal problem now is, just me. Once I have my mind made up, I’ll stick to it, commit, work towards it, rain or shine, windy or cloudy, black or white, whatever it is. Here comes the but, I am always doubtful. Always thinking about the aftermath without even giving it a try. This is exactly why mothers exists. She’s always there to push the hell out of me. Even if I am at the tip of an ice berg ready to bungee jump and then change of thought and decided to just take the lift back down, she’ll definitely bug in and push me straight down. Traumatised will be I am, but at the end of the day, I always get to where I’ve always wanted to be, dreams will be fulfilled. To even audition for my campus radio took a whole shelf of courage. Thanks to that urge, I’ve got two shows running now and scripts never been friendlier!
Cannot wait to wake up to sister’s face, to mummy’s cooking, to emir and nisya’s screaming, to atie and nuri’s quarrels, to daddy’s smiles. Nothing like family, really.
SPAIN, FINALS. Never doubt an octopus, or any 8 legged creatures.
Just a little bit of pinch. Haehaehae haehae! See you Holland!
and yes I need a good inspiration to start off my five thousand words graduation thesis.
Filed under: Remedy
世の中を 憂しとやさしと おもへども 飛び立ちかねつ 鳥にしあらねば
Yononaka wo / Ushi to yasashi to / Omo(h)e domo / Tobitachi kanetsu / Tori ni shi arane ba
I feel the life is / sorrowful and unbearable / though / I can’t flee away / since I am not a bird.
Poetry, from pre-modern to modern to contemporary. From Shakespeare to Sophocles. From English poetry to Japanese Haiku. Words, words. There can never be too much of emotions and lack of words. Alphabets, metaphors, adjectives, rhymes will never deteriorates. Paper shan’t resort to being stingy. Never will it lack in white space. Neither will pencil stop defacing its spaciousness.
I love it when suppressed thoughts flow freely with the collision of pen and paper. When one’s mouth are too lethargic to bear a word. When shoulders are too flimsy to juggle another weight. When fingers are too numb to spare a lift.
And when misfortunes drops onto you like a piece of ink, smudging the entire fabric; one will be caught off guard, motion less, dumbstruck. Will you be able to dream another mental picture? Compose wishes? Vision thoughtful thoughts? Hallucinate another pinch of desire?
Then again fantasy. Life’s a series of illusions. Paint them onto canvas, let it sip through the spaces between, running, flowing on every angle, compromising with each other, mixture of colours, shades and shadows. A mirage. Slowly form your personal, chimera. Life’s at its best. Embrace, enjoy and I’ll be right back.
Positive chi cheese sticks~
